I met a man by the hotel bar that wanted to leave me pregnant and barefooted by the hairy chairs.

How totally random is that? Totally bizarre.

I don’t know how to say this without sounding bizarrely crass. But, the night began with me rambling about an older gentleman wanting to buy the shoes off my feet. And of course one cannot forget about the chairy hairs. *cough*.

A bar stool at Bar Centro that looks like Cousin It.

Moving on to…

Aside from a potential spring and winter (dead- winter) to be exact, my dinner experience at The Bazaar was quite fascinating. At Bazaar cotton candy is considered gourmet, but somehow it works.

We started the night out with some cheeses with quince paste, nuts, and cute little bread sticks.

And then we went on to a charcuterie platter. I love a good a sausage; I will even hide one in my room. Like that one time in college when I had a Hillshire Farms summer sausage and everyone asked why I had a sausage in my room. And then one day the sausage disappeared and no one ever returned my calls.

When no one returns your calls, it is always a good idea to drown yourself with some tomato bread. You need the extra carbs as you rapidly redial numbers.

The apple, fennel and manchego cheese salad was superb. I always thought manchego was a futbol team… Wait, is that Manchester United?

They call me the hamburglar. So it does not come as a shock that I enjoy all things that look like burgers, even the cute little gummy ones. Throw me some quince paste and some buttery foie gras, my mouth is having a party. The VIP room is downstairs.

When life hands you lemons; chop them up and throw them on some Kumamoto oysters. Fabulous, definitely constitutes a reorder.

Holy cow, the cotton candy with foie gras was heavenly. I enjoyed the foie gras like a kid enjoys a candy store. Or better yet I enjoyed it like a bag of peanut M&Ms and Bold and Zesty Chex Mix, perfect blend of sweet and salty. Damn, I wish we didn’t have this stupid peanut ban.

The ‘Philly’ cheesesteak was remarkable. I couldn’t believe that Bazaar opened up all of their entrees for Dine LA, which is like telling a pirate he can raid your booty.

Another word for loot is booty. Look at this little gem, air bread with the taste, crunch, and snap of a thin water cracker with cheese inside. And let’s not forget the cherry on top, wagyu beef and chives.

The garlic shrimp was beautifully executed but slightly undercooked.

Hanger steak was delicious and tender as well.

The lobster was a tad bit salty but still tasty.

Lamb with potato foam was yummy. My dinner companion said, “Holy cow, this is good stuff”. And then he kept on talking about Greece, while I was reminiscing about a foam party.

Tuna encrusted with sesame seeds; because life is a barrel of sesame seeds, it is nutty.

I absolutely heart this raspberry cake; it was so light and fluffy. I loved how two of the layers were gelatin~ish, gave me a textural sugar high.

After this crazy salmonella scare, the one thing I have been craving was peanuts. However, the hazelnuts in this dessert kind of fixed my crave. It kind of reminded me of A. Rod Mr. Goodbar on steroids, great texture of crunchy nuts paired with the thick richness of chocolate, topped with ice cream and pears. Sinfully decadent desserts are delicious.

If I wasn’t such a spring nut I would make a wonderful mail order bride to the highest shoe bidder. Bizarrely amazing Bazaar, I will see you next week.

The Bazaar at the SLS Hotel

Mid-City West
465 S La Cienega Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90048
http://www.thebazaar.com/